Ryan Theriot Leaves Latest ‘Harry Potter’ Wondering If Maybe He Has Wizard Powers, Too

July 17, 2009

(Washington, D.C.) – The world is abuzz with excitement over this Wednesday’s release of the latest installment in the ‘Harry Potter’ series, ‘Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.’ And although one would expect that the excitement coming from the Chicago Cubs clubhouse this time of year is due to renewed hope as they start the second half of the season.

But no, it, too, is due to the ‘Harry Potter’ movie. And it’s mostly coming from Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot.

The former LSU middle infield duo has been inseparable for years, and when they came out of Wednesday’s midnight screening of the film version of the JK Rowling book, they radiated shared delight.

“Oh man, that was so rad,” Fontenot said. “I wish I went to Hogwarts. I would have stopped that evil Snape like this (makes swiping motion with petite hand).”

“I know, man,” Theriot shot back with glee. “What if we had wizard powers?”

“Sometimes I think maybe I do,” Theriot went on. “One time I was waving a twizzler at a baseball, and I think it rolled a little. I just know deep down I’m not a muggle.”

“Oh, and when I was being raped by an overzealous bathroom attendant, I conjured a patronus that looked like a security guard, and it saved me.”


3 Responses to “Ryan Theriot Leaves Latest ‘Harry Potter’ Wondering If Maybe He Has Wizard Powers, Too”

  1. Nati on July 19th, 2009 8:42 pm

    Forget Snape….I wish I went to Hogwarts because I would have totally got with that Granger chick.

  2. Ace on July 20th, 2009 5:53 pm

    Only after like, 11th Wizard Grade, though, right?

  3. Nati on July 25th, 2009 8:54 pm

    No, after her 6th year….Wizards become of age at 17. Or, I would just put the Imperius Curse on her and make her consent.

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