Milton Bradley Pulls Race Card, Gives it to Lou Piniella

August 27, 2009

(Chicago, IL) – As the Chicago Cubs continue to fade down the stretch, fans continue to voice their displeasure with the team’s poor performance. Boos rain down like so many hurtful rain drops.

But one Cub says he’s been feeling the wrath of fans more than anyone else.

Outfielder Milton Bradley has struggled to adjust to Wrigley Field, and has recently suggested that his difficult stems, in part, from the treatment he receives from the bleacher bums in right field. In fact, this week Bradley took his concerns to a whole new level: he pulled the race card.

And he promptly gave it to manager Lou Piniella. Read more

Piniella on Switch to Marmol as Closer: Kevin Gregg Blew the Game Too Quickly

August 18, 2009

(San Diego, CA) – The Chicago Cubs are reeling, and the depths of the darkness seem to know no bounds. Last night, the Cubs took a 1-0 lead into the 9th inning, only to have closer Kevin Gregg give up an unbelievable four runs in the bottom of the frame.

Although it probably isn’t enough to shake the rest of the club into productivity, it was enough to shake Kevin Gregg out of a job. Manager Lou Piniella decided after the game that Gregg was out as closer, and just moments ago, he announced that setup man Carlos Marmol would replace Gregg.

But given Marmol’s penchant for unnecessary drama, why did he get the call? Read more

Aaron Miles is Clearly Very Important, Wears Bluetooth Headset Everywhere

August 9, 2009

aaron-miles-douche(Denver, Colorado) – The Chicago Cubs are struggling through a tough stretch that has seen them fall out of first place in the National League Central. Perhaps coincidentally, the tough stretch has seen the return of injured middle infielder Aaron Miles.

Miles, who hasn’t played particularly well this year, his first with the Cubs, is trying to remain upbeat about the team and about his own performance. And it’s easy to do when you’re a man like Aaron Miles – as his bluetooth headset indicates, he’s obviously doing well in the rest of his life. Read more

Jake Peavy Accepts Trade to White Sox, Reluctantly Agrees to Requisite Lobotomy

August 1, 2009

peavy-lobotomy(Chicago, IL) – The Major League Baseball trade deadline has come and gone, and the most shocking move of all was the trade of San Diego Padres ace Jake Peavy to the Chicago White Sox.

It was shocking not only because rumors of a trade involving Peavy – who is currently injured – had died down significantly, but also because Peavy had already rejected a trade to the Chicago White Sox earlier this year. It was surprise to both sides that Peavy had changed his mind, and would agree to a trade to the Sox – and the mandatory full-frontal lobotomy that accompanies a successful transition to the Chicago White Sox. Read more