Fans Clearly Growing Tired of Alfonso Soriano’s Entourage

April 18, 2010

soriano-entourage(Chicago, IL) – It’s early in the 2010 season, and although the Chicago Cubs haven’t been that bad, the boo birds are already out in full force. Their favorite target? Gimpy left fielder Alfonso Soriano.

But according to fans, they aren’t just booing Soriano because of his miles-long swing or his pathetic defense. Apparently they’ve grown tired of his prima donna status, as evinced by his newfound entourage.

“It’s not just his poor performance, it’s his playa playa attitude,” lifelong Cubs fan Jennifer Owings explained. “He got his huge contract, and now he just acts like he owns the place. Just look at his entourage.”

Indeed, Soriano has started to travel in a different circle.

“I get that guys go around with their crew,” Owings continued. “But Soriano is just taking it to another level. Everywhere he goes, he’s surrounded by these guys, and he never has time for his fans anymore. So yes, I boo him every chance I get.”

At last count, Soriano’s entourage had grown exponentially, and now includes two clowns, Pat Morita, a miniature Snuffleupagus, the Fat Man from Jake and the Fat Man, and a pirate bear.

And it’s not just the fans who’ve grown weary of Soriano’s crew.

olivia wilde naked“One of the clowns is a cartoon, and the other one is Bozo,” Cubs shortstop Ryan Theriot said of his Soriano entourage weariness. “I’m pretty sure Bozo is dead, so yeah, even if I weren’t deathly afraid of clowns, I’d be a little freaked out.”

“Frankly, I’d prefer it if Soriano’s entourage was more like Ryan Dempster’s entourage, which is composed entirely of a naked Olivia Wilde.”

Comments

3 Responses to “Fans Clearly Growing Tired of Alfonso Soriano’s Entourage”

  1. Nati on April 18th, 2010 11:28 pm

    At least one isn’t Pennywise….that dude is freaky.

  2. Ace on April 19th, 2010 7:59 am

    I still have nightmares…

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