Piniella to Castro: I Told You to Keep Your Damn Balloons Away from the Power Lines

May 29, 2010

(Chicago, IL) – On Wednesday, the lights went out.

The Chicago Cubs were hosting the Los Angeles Dodgers at Wrigley Field Wednesday night when, as pitcher Tom Gorzelanny pitched to Blake DeWitt, power in the area went out. During the resulting delay, crews scrambled to turn the lights back on at Wrigley, and the Cubs scrambled to discover the source of the power outage.

It wasn’t long before manager Lou Piniella determined an old nemesis was the cause: shortstop Starlin Castro’s bundle of balloons. Read more

Cubs Ask Aramis Ramirez to Take Naps During Games

May 12, 2010

(Chicago, IL) – The Chicago Cubs’ offensive woes are a secret to no one.

Just as plain are the particular struggles of star third baseman Aramis Ramirez. His batting average stands at just .159, and he has not been able to keep his OPS over .500.

And the Cubs are no longer content to sit back and do nothing about it. The solution? They want Aramis to sit back and do nothing about it. Read more

Lack of Injuries Leave Cubs Excuse Reserves Dangerously Low

May 2, 2010

(Chicago, IL) – Despite a couple of recent wins against a struggling Arizona club, the Chicago Cubs’ season has been, on the whole, a disappointment. A lack of timely hitting or a reliable bullpen have led to a number of close, late losses.

But why exactly aren’t the Cubs performing better? It’s easy to see the problems, but it’s harder to see the reasons. So we went straight to the source: the Chicago Cubs Excuse Department. Read more