Tom Ricketts’ Attempts to Return Cubs Yield Embarrassment, Store Credit

July 13, 2010

(Chicago, IL) – It’s been a miserable first half for the 2010 Chicago Cubs. There have been player-driven headaches, early-season bullpen woes, and a consistent lack of timely hitting. All told, it’s netted a 39-50 club that seems to be going nowhere.

The season has been particularly difficult for new Chicago Cubs owner, Tom Ricketts. When he bought the team this winter for nearly $1 billion, he didn’t expect it to have so many holes.

And now, he’s trying to get his money back.

“There’s been a lot of speculation, so yes, I’ll confirm it,” Ricketts said Monday night at an impromptu press conference. “I’ve been trying to return the Chicago Cubs for a couple of weeks now.”

“This is not the team I thought I was buying, and I feel like it was a classic bait and switch. This team has a flashy exterior, but under the hood, it’s a defective offense and a bunch of overpriced, cheap plastic parts. In short, I want my money back.”

As of yet, however, Ricketts’ attempts to return the team for a refund to the Tribune Company, from whom he bought them, have proved unsuccessful.

“This is embarrassing, but no, I was not able to return the team in the way I’d hoped to,” Ricketts explained. “Although I brought the team, complete with packaging and instructions, back to the Tribune Company, they would not accept them back on a technicality.”

When pushed, Ricketts admitted that he failed to keep his receipt for the purchase of the Cubs.

“It’s a bullshit policy, if you ask me. They know me there. They know I bought this team, and the fact that I was missing a little sheet of paper should not have held up the return.”

In the end, Ricketts says he was able to take the team back, but not for a refund.

“If anybody needs anything from the Tribune, just let me know. I have a hell of a lot of store credit to burn through.”


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