As Trade Deadline Nears, Jim Hendry’s Snack Pack Remains Untouchable

July 22, 2010

(Chicago, IL) – July 31 is a magical date in Major League Baseball. It marks the date by which players can be traded without being subjected to waivers, and possibly claimed by other teams before the trade goes through.

The Chicago Cubs, suffering through a profoundly disappointing 2010 season, are certainly in trade discussions – as they often are this time of year – but they are looking to trade away, not acquire.

That makes general manager Jim Hendry a very busy man these days, as he entertains requests from other teams. But for now, he says his favorite trade piece is off the table. No, his Snack Pack isn’t going anywhere.

When fellow general manager Kenny Williams approached Hendry looking to make a deal, his offer of juicy oranges and crisp broccoli was quickly rebuffed.

“I’m sorry, but fruits and vegetables is not the direction I’m looking to go in the near term, or long term, frankly,” Hendry explained. “I’m looking for five-tool snacks at this point: salty, sugary, chewy, savory, and nooguty. I’d be a fool to deal away my chocolate Snack Pack, which I have under control for at least another three lunch periods.”

Hendry caressed his Snack Pack – chocolate – as a mother tends to her child before continuing.

“Look, the Snack Pack is here to stay. I can’t say I won’t eat it soon, but I sure as heck am not going to trade it.”

On the other hand, Hendry has been trying for weeks to move his split pea soup and milk without success.

“In retrospect, giving the split pea soup a no-trade clause was probably a mistake. And when I got the milk, the going rate was eight years and $136 million. Obviously the market has changed quite a bit since then, and I’m not having much luck.”

Comments

One Response to “As Trade Deadline Nears, Jim Hendry’s Snack Pack Remains Untouchable”

  1. Nati on July 23rd, 2010 8:05 am

    Juanita says if you have a banana you don’t need a snack pack.

    She is a wise old lady.

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