Cubs Contend Justin Bieber Spring Training Invite Not Just For Publicity
January 29, 2011
(Chicago, IL) – It’s late January and the Chicago Cubs front office is buzzing. Spring Training is still a few weeks away, and General Manager Jim Hendry is hard at work putting the final touches on his team’s Spring roster.
With the Cubs are looking to compete in 2011, finding the right pieces early is critical to their success. That’s why Hendry has brought in a broad range of players to compete in Mesa, Arizona this year, each hoping to claim a spot on the 25-man roster. The more, the Cubs say, the better.
Of course, it doesn’t explain why the Cubs gave Justin Bieber a non-roster invitation to Spring Training.
“Look,” Hendry said, exasperated by repeated questions about his motives for inviting the 16 year old pop star to a Major League Spring Training. “This kid can play. That’s what this move is about. Nobody believed that he could become the musical sensation he’s become, and nobody believes he can be the Cubs’ new fifth starter. But he proved us all wrong before, and he can do it again.”
“And that hair. You’ve seen what Bronson Arroyo can do with flowing locks of wonder, so I can only imagine how impactful Justin Bieber will be.”
Hendry pointed out that the move was not without precedent.
“It’s like when the Royals tried out Garth Brooks, but better. And younger. And I’m not just saying that because Garth turned us down. Repeatedly.”
“So what if it comes with the side benefit of a little attention and excitement,” Hendry continued. “The rest of the world has to wait another two weeks to see him in ‘Justin Bieber: Never Say Never’ in 3D. I got to see him in 3D just this morning. Snap!”
Continuing his defense of the controversial Bieber invite, Hendry pointed out that the Cubs invited, among others, infielder Augie Ojeda. “It’s not like the talent bar was set particularly high,” Hendry said.
Whether Bieber will have an impact on the baseball diamond remains to be seen, but his anticipated presence is already having an impact on the Cubs. Tyler Colvin has grown a Beatles-like mop top, and has taken to annoyingly sweeping it out of his eyes repeatedly during interviews.
Bieber’s future teammates can look forward to meeting the teen superstar in a few short weeks, except for Randy Wells, against whom Justin Bieber’s restraining order will not expire until mid-season.