Carlos Zambrano Breaks Bat, Tony Campana Over Knee

June 1, 2011

(Chicago, IL) – It’s been a frustrating year in Chicago. The Cubs have been under .500 for most of the season, and, with a rampant injury problem, the future doesn’t look much brighter.

Things came to a head last night against the Houston Astros, a team the Cubs should be taking behind the woodshed. After taking a 3-1 lead in the bottom of the 8th, closer Carlos Marmol gave up six runs in the top of the ninth, blowing the game for the Cubs. The defeat clinched a series loss against the Astros, and sent the Cubs’ playoff hopes further down the drain.

Starter Carlos Zambrano didn’t take the loss as well as he pitched in the game.

Zambrano was already frustrated by the time the 9th inning rolled around, as evinced by a bat broken over his knee in the fifth inning.

But when Marmol blew a solid win for Zambrano, who underwent anger management counseling last year, the big righty simply lost it. After destroying an additional seven bats and tearing apart Carlos Pena’s glove, Zambrano went after diminutive center fielder Tony Campana.

In a fit of rage, Zambrano lifted Campana high over his head before snapping the smaller man in half, over his knee.

“I’m not going to pretend that it wasn’t an overreaction,” Zambrano said after the game in a blood-stained undershirt. “There are good ways to handle my rage, and murdering a teammate is almost certainly not one of them.”

Of the interteam squabble, manager Mike Quade expressed his disappointment.

“No, I’m not happy about it,” Quade said from a Chicago area hospital. “We’re already dealing with a number of injury issues, and having your best starting pitcher graphically assault a teammate, subjecting him to possible jail time, is not something we’re prepared to deal with.”

“Oh, and I don’t want to lose Campy, either. Yeah. Campy.”

Campana is expected to make a full recovery after doctors worked hurriedly to sew him back together late last night. He is, however, expected to be eight to ten inches shorter.

Comments

2 Responses to “Carlos Zambrano Breaks Bat, Tony Campana Over Knee”

  1. I Hope You Like David Wright, Because the Other Bullets Are a Bummer | Bleacher Nation | Chicago Cubs News, Rumors, and Commentary on June 2nd, 2011 8:35 am

    [...] Carlos Zambrano didn’t just break a bat over his knee the other day – he also broke Tony Campana: [...]

  2. I Hope You Like David Wright, Because the Other Bullets Are a Bummer | Bleacher Nation | Chicago Cubs News, Rumors, and Commentary on June 2nd, 2011 8:35 am

    [...] Carlos Zambrano didn’t just break a bat over his knee the other day – he also broke Tony Campana: [...]

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