Cubs Just Glad Mike Quade Can’t Hurt Them Anymore

October 3, 2011

(Chicago, IL) – The 2011 Chicago Cubs were many things, but successful wasn’t one of those things.

There is, of course, plenty of blame to go around, between players and the front office.

But many fans point the finger squarely at rookie manager, Mike Quade. And the team agrees.

“We didn’t do a lot right this season,” the team said. “We played poor defense. We didn’t pitch well. We made mistakes. And we paid for them. But after several days of intense counseling, we realized that we didn’t deserve the way Mike Quade treated us.”

“The future looks dim, we’ll grant you that,” the Cubs continued. “But we’re in a safe place now, and at least Mike Quade can’t hurt us anymore.”

Indeed, Quade’s ambit extends only so far, and, with the season finally at a close, his decision-making authority is probably over. The Cubs will be hiring a new general manager in the coming weeks who will probably want to bring in his own manager.

And, at last, the 2011 Cubs will be at peace.

Whether it was inexplicable lineups, the James Russell starting disaster, or the embarrassing fundamentals, the 2011 Cubs felt Quade’s destructive impact all year long. But the team has learned to rise above Quade, and is hoping that, by 2012, it can learn to trust again.

“The 2012 team will find a way to open its heart,” the Cubs said. “We deserve a chance at happiness with someone new.”

For now, the Cubs are taking things slow. They’re meeting prospective new managers in groups of friends, at the grocery store, and in a church choir the team recently joined.

“We’ll find somebody,” the team said, wiping away a tear, and wearing a hopeful smile. “Someone who will treat us right.”


One Response to “Cubs Just Glad Mike Quade Can’t Hurt Them Anymore”

  1. Pep Streebeck on October 24th, 2011 1:39 pm

    I can’t say I disagree with anything written here. I was less than impressed with the overall Cubs management. My question is, what is your source? Your refer to the Chicago Cubs, but nothing specifically from ownership to GM etc. It seems as though these are your thoughts and not actually from the Cubs. “They’re in a safe place?”

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