Teammates Can’t Get Enough of Chris Volstad’s Fantasy Football Stories

September 13, 2012

(Chicago, IL) – Fantasy football season has arrived, and no one coule be more excited about it than Chicago Cubs pitcher Chris Volstad, who proudly competes in as many as six fantasy leagues in a given season, “depending on how many people want to have their [behinds] beat.” Well, no one could be more excited than Volstad … save for his teammates, who hear about how prowess regularly.

“Oh, you knew that Adrian Peterson was going to come back strong from his ACL injury?” Cubs closer Carlos Marmol asks in a mocking fashion. “You’re so brilliant, Chris. Tell me more about how you pulled out a week one victory by starting Pierre Garcon over Larry Fitzgerald. It’s almost as interesting as when he tells that he knows best how to knows best how to bet on NFL football,” Marmol added.

“I’m not saying I’m the best fantasy football player out there,” Volstad says while scanning Rotoworld. “I’m just saying I haven’t met anyone who can beat me yet. You know who saw DeMarco Murray’s breakout come last year? Me. Four years ago.”

“It’s becoming something of a problem,” catcher Steve Clevenger says of Volstad’s fantasy football gaming. “He had me bringing him live updates on scoring out to the mound mid-start last week. He told me to get thrown out of the game so I could go put a waiver claim in on Alfred Morris.

Volstad says he plans to stick with fantasy football after a severe misstep in fantasy baseball this season. Volstad, it seems, drafted himself in the third round, and was not able to recover.


2 Responses to “Teammates Can’t Get Enough of Chris Volstad’s Fantasy Football Stories”

  1. Josh on September 13th, 2012 10:06 pm

    It’s been so long. I wasn’t sure you guys still knew how to write. But I’m happy to be reading something by you again.

  2. Ace on September 14th, 2012 10:29 am

    Thanks, Josh. And sorry for the many interruptions. The creative juices are sporadic.

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