Drug Use Explains Alex Rodriguez’s Gross Old Woman Fetish

February 9, 2009

(New York, NY) – By now you, and everyone else in the world, has heard about Alex Rodriguez’s positive test for steroids in 2003. The reaction has been as swift as it has been hostile.

But it hasn’t been universally so. In fact, the reaction from many of those closest to Rodriguez has been that of relief. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 3 Comments

Sammy Sosa Wants to Come Back, Teams Question His Playing Shape

December 31, 2008

(Miami, FL) – This offseason has already seen contracts dolled out for the older crew in MLB. Randy Johnson, 45, just signed with the Giants, and 46-year-old Jamie Moyer just got a two-year deal with the Phillies. So if old is the new young, why is 40-year-old former superstar slugger Sammy Sosa having such trouble getting a deal?

Some say it is his age and declining skillset. Some say it is his me-first attitude. But others point to certain rule changes that occurred in the twilight of Sosa’s career that have limited his, um, physique. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 5 Comments

San Francisco Giants Head to Washington Seeking Bailout

December 5, 2008

(Washington, DC) – Our nation is facing its most serious economic crisis in decades, and seemingly no one is unaffected. From our financial institutions to our automakers, so many businesses are underwater and need help.

As we enter the busiest part of the baseball offseason, for a few days, it seemed possible that MLB teams would avoid the crisis, with the exception of the Chicago Cubs. But just yesterday, it was revealed that one team is as highly-leveraged and poorly run as the other failing institutions. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 2 Comments

Rays Face Terrifying Prospect of Another Whole Decade Without a Championship

October 31, 2008

(Tampa Bay, FL) – The Tampa Bay Rays failed to win the World Series.

Again.

In what is becoming a cruel joke, the Rays once again came up short in their bid to end an excruciating streak of heartbreaking seasons where they’ve gone home without a championship. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 3 Comments

Tim McCarver Enjoying His First Baseball Games in a Year

October 27, 2008

(Philadelphia, PA) – Along with his compatriot, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver is really enjoying announcing games on Fox this year. He says it is exhilirating, exciting, and it is what he lives for. He loves to talk baseball, and this gives him an opportunity to do it in front of the widest possible audience.

He says is also enjoying announcing these games because it’s given him a reason to actually watch a baseball game for the first time since the World Series last year. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 1 Comment

Joe Buck Inadvertently Refers to Cardinals 17 Times During Game 2 Broadcast

October 24, 2008

(Tampa, FL) – The Fall Classic is underway, and it brings us many things: drama, the crack of the bat, absurdly long commercial breaks, games that last until 2 a.m., and of course, the announcing duo of Tim McCarver and Joe Buck.

The two have become synonymous with the World Series in recent years, and they are usually both excellent. Well, except McCarver.

But last night, it was Joe Buck who struggled with the basics of announcing. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 4 Comments

Yankees Still Plan on Showing Up to Playoffs

September 29, 2008

(New York, NY) – Baseball’s biggest party starts this week, and for the first time in 13 years, the New York Yankees aren’t invited. The party, of course, is the playoffs, and thanks in part to an historic season by the Tampa Bay Rays, the Yankees fell short of qualifying this year.

But apparently failing to qualify for the playoffs isn’t going to stop the Yankees this year. It’s still world championship or bust. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 1 Comment

Brewers Players, Coaches, Management Can’t Help but Feel at Least Partially Responsible for Collapse

September 17, 2008

(Milwaukee, WI) – It’s been a brutal stretch for the Milwaukee Brewers. Just a few weeks ago, the team was right on the heels of the Chicago Cubs for the National League Central division lead, and had a comfortable lead of its own in the National League Wild Card race. But after last night’s loss to the Cubs – something that’s happened regularly this year – Milwaukee has fallen nine games back of the Cubs and a half game back of the New York Mets for the Wild Card.

Two days ago, in the midst of this possibly historic collapse, the Brewers unceremoniously dumped manager Ned Yost, making him the scapegoat for the team’s struggles. But can Yost fairly take all of the blame? His former team tends to think mostly yes. Read more

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Chronic Masturbation Comes Back to Haunt White Sox

September 8, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – Last week, Chicago White Sox star and possible American League MVP Carlos Quentin went down with a wrist injury. But it wasn’t until late in the week that the truth about the injury was revealed – both in severity and cause.

Quentin’s wrist was broken and would require likely season-ending surgery. How could this cruel joke have happened to the White Sox; to such an important player at such a critical juncture? But more importantly, how did the injury really happen? Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 8 Comments

MLB Uses Instant Replay to Repeatedly Oggle Erin Andrews

September 2, 2008

(Bristol, CT) – Last week, Major League Baseball instituted a limited version of instant replay. Home runs, fair or foul, and fan interference questions can now be reviewed using video replay. So far, Major League Baseball officials say, the program has been a rousing success.

Or an arousing success, depending on whom you ask. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 12 Comments

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