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MLB Uses Instant Replay to Repeatedly Oggle Erin Andrews

September 2, 2008

Erin Andrews three sexy pictures

(Bristol, CT) – Last week, Major League Baseball instituted a limited version of instant replay. Home runs, fair or foul, and fan interference questions can now be reviewed using video replay. So far, Major League Baseball officials say, the program has been a rousing success.

Or an arousing success, depending on whom you ask. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 12 Comments 

In Shocking Sportscenter Interview, Barack Obama Reveals that He’s Retarded

August 26, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – The already tumultuous 2008 Presidential election took a wild turn early Tuesday morning following an ESPN Sportscenter interview of presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama. The interview, which ranged into a broad array of topics facing the American public, necessarily turned to sports. More specifically, Chicago baseball. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 7 Comments 

Tony LaRussa Skips the Step Where You Stop Being an Asshole

August 11, 2008

St. Louis Cardinals Manager Tony LaRussa in the dugout

(Chicago, IL) – The Chicago Cubs just completed an incredibly important series victory over the rival St. Louis Cardinals. The 2-1 series win puts the Cubs seven games ahead of the Cardinals in the National League Central, further dimming the Cardinals’ hopes of winning the division.

And as the Cubs were completing the important series, Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was completing something imporant of his own: his 12th step in a recovery program, stemming from his March 2007 DUI arrest. But some of the Cubs and even some of the Cardinals are wondering just how thoroughly LaRussa completed each of the steps. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 5 Comments 

Chicago White Sox Distribute Etiquette Books to Fans

August 9, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – If you feel wind coming your way in the Windy City, you no longer have to worry that it is coming from a disgusting, mouth-breathing White Sox fan. Taking a cue from China, who is distributing etiquette booklets to its citizens teaching manners to be observed during the Olympics, the Chicago White Sox have begun distributing etiquette materials to their fans. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 6 Comments 

Yankees Trade for Ivan Rodriguez About Ten Years Too Late

July 31, 2008

Ivan Pudge Rodriguez with Rangers at Wrigley

(New York, NY) – The non-waiver trade deadline is looming imminently, and trades are under way all over baseball. One such big deal went down last night as the New York Yankees acquired catcher Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez from the Detroit Tigers for reliever/former Chicago Cub/drinker/dumb guy Kyle Farnsworth. The Yankees were in desperate need of a good-hitting, great defensive catcher after Jorge Posada  was forced to have season-ending surgery on his throwing shoulder. And the Yankees got their guy.

Or at least, he would have been their guy about ten years ago. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 2 Comments 

Battle for Fourth Place Reaches Fever Pitch as Astros Trade for Randy Wolf

July 25, 2008

Houston Astros Celebrate Win Probably

(Houston, TX) – As the baseball season approaches its final two months, the divisional races have begun to shake out, separating the contenders from the bottow dwellers. This seems to happen every year just short of the July 31 trade deadline – those teams still in contention try to add pieces to shore up their squad, and those teams out of it trade away expensive players for young players they can use in the future.

And then there are the Houston Astros. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 1 Comment 

Brewers Go Dumpster Diving in San Francisco – Acquire Ray Durham and a “Totally Wearable” Shirt

July 21, 2008

Dumpster Diving Brewers Giants

(San Francisco, CA) – The Milwaukee Brewers went to San Francisco this weekend, and left with a three-game sweep over the Giants. But that’s not all they left with. They also left with proof that one team’s trash might just be another team’s treasure. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 1 Comment 

All Star Game Determines World Series Home-Field Advantage – Board Game Determines ALCS Home-Field

July 17, 2008

Bud Selig picks nose for MLB

(New York, NY) – Just one day after stars from the American League and National League battled for 15 long innings to determine a winner in this year’s All Star Game, and the winner of home-field advantage in the World Series, stars from the American League found themselves battling again. Major League Baseball, seeking to give new meaning and importance to completely meaningless and unimportant exhibition games, determined that home-field advantage in the American League Championship Series would also be determined by the outcome of an exhibition game.

Another baseball game? Another sporting event? No. It would determined by the outcome of a board game. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 3 Comments 

Augie Ojeda Excluded from Home Run Derby for “The last damn time”

July 15, 2008

Augie Ojeda

(New York, NY) – Justin Morneau won in grand fashion and Josh Hamilton hit a mind-blowing 28 home runs in the first round, but the real story at this year’s Home Run Derby was lurking somewhere outside the gates of Yankee Stadium. That’s because the real story was not who was participating in the Derby, it was who was not participating.

Much has been made about the lack of home run superstars in this year’s derby – no active home run leader in Ken Griffey, Jr., no season home run leader in Ryan Howard, no New York home run star in Alex Rodriguez. But one player says none of that matters. He is the man who really should have been there. And his name is Augie Ojeda. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Baseball | 1 Comment 

Volquez, Harang elect to schedule offseason Tommy John surgery

June 11, 2008

Dusty Baker Reds(Cininnati, OH) – Dr. James Andrews was shocked to receive phone calls from Reds co-aces, Edinson Volquez and Aaron Harang, on Thursday.

“I was finishing up another meal paid for by the Chicago Cubs and Mark Prior when my office got a call from the Reds,” Dr. Andrews stated, “when they scheduled the appointments for after the year, I was immediately befuddled.”

Read more

Written by Fly · Filed Under Baseball | 4 Comments 

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