There is, of course, plenty of blame to go around, between players and the front office.

But many fans point the finger squarely at rookie manager, Mike Quade. And the team agrees.

“We didn’t do a lot right this season,” the team said. “We played poor defense. We didn’t pitch well. We made mistakes. And we paid for them. But after several days of intense counseling, we realized that we didn’t deserve the way Mike Quade treated us.”

“The future looks dim, we’ll grant you that,” the Cubs continued. “But we’re in a safe place now, and at least Mike Quade can’t hurt us anymore.”

Indeed, Quade’s ambit extends only so far, and, with the season finally at a close, his decision-making authority is probably over. The Cubs will be hiring a new general manager in the coming weeks who will probably want to bring in his own manager.

And, at last, the 2011 Cubs will be at peace.

Whether it was inexplicable lineups, the James Russell starting disaster, or the embarrassing fundamentals, the 2011 Cubs felt Quade’s destructive impact all year long. But the team has learned to rise above Quade, and is hoping that, by 2012, it can learn to trust again.

“The 2012 team will find a way to open its heart,” the Cubs said. “We deserve a chance at happiness with someone new.”

For now, the Cubs are taking things slow. They’re meeting prospective new managers in groups of friends, at the grocery store, and in a church choir the team recently joined.

“We’ll find somebody,” the team said, wiping away a tear, and wearing a hopeful smile. “Someone who will treat us right.”

And, to make matters worse, the trade deadline passed this weekend, and the Cubs stood pat despite being 20 games under .500.

At least one Cub wishes he’d been dealt. Hard.

The Cubs are playing the Pirates this week, the first series after the trade deadline. But, at times, they’ve been playing a man down.

That’s because center fielder Marlon Byrd keeps sneaking into the Pirate dugout.

“We appreciate where his heart is,” Pirates manager Clint Hurdle said Wednesday. “He’s a hard worker, and a dedicated guy. But he’s not on our team. I keep telling him I can’t put him in the lineup no matter how bad he wants it. It’s got to stop.”

“And,” Hurdle continued,”he’s really gotta stop towel whipping me in the showers.”

The signs have been building for some time that Byrd wanted to be traded. Just this weekend, he defended Cardinals star Matt Holliday for leg whipping Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro.

Byrd made his thoughts quite clear last week when Kosuke Fukudome was traded. Fukudome was the only Cub traded before the deadline, and, at his departure press conference, Byrd remarked, “take me, too.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really kidding,” Byrd now says. “Obviously I’m itching to get out of Chicago, but with Fuke, it was more than that. I let him have a party at my place last weekend, and he still has my keys.”

“I tried to tell him like five times before he left, but his translator had already flown to Cleveland. When I tried to take the keys out of his pocket, he flipped me on my back. Not all stereotypes are true, but that karate one clearly is.”

Things came to a head last night against the Houston Astros, a team the Cubs should be taking behind the woodshed. After taking a 3-1 lead in the bottom of the 8th, closer Carlos Marmol gave up six runs in the top of the ninth, blowing the game for the Cubs. The defeat clinched a series loss against the Astros, and sent the Cubs’ playoff hopes further down the drain.

Starter Carlos Zambrano didn’t take the loss as well as he pitched in the game.

Zambrano was already frustrated by the time the 9th inning rolled around, as evinced by a bat broken over his knee in the fifth inning.

But when Marmol blew a solid win for Zambrano, who underwent anger management counseling last year, the big righty simply lost it. After destroying an additional seven bats and tearing apart Carlos Pena’s glove, Zambrano went after diminutive center fielder Tony Campana.

In a fit of rage, Zambrano lifted Campana high over his head before snapping the smaller man in half, over his knee.

“I’m not going to pretend that it wasn’t an overreaction,” Zambrano said after the game in a blood-stained undershirt. “There are good ways to handle my rage, and murdering a teammate is almost certainly not one of them.”

Of the interteam squabble, manager Mike Quade expressed his disappointment.

“No, I’m not happy about it,” Quade said from a Chicago area hospital. “We’re already dealing with a number of injury issues, and having your best starting pitcher graphically assault a teammate, subjecting him to possible jail time, is not something we’re prepared to deal with.”

“Oh, and I don’t want to lose Campy, either. Yeah. Campy.”

Campana is expected to make a full recovery after doctors worked hurriedly to sew him back together late last night. He is, however, expected to be eight to ten inches shorter.

First, it was phenom shortstop Starlin Castro, after appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated earlier this year, who fell victim to the long-feared SI cover jinx. And then, without warning, starting catcher Geovany Soto went down with a groin strain.

The injury came just weeks after Soto was featured on the cover of ‘Redbook.’

Soto posed for the ‘Redbook’ spread in mid-April, and his season has been a bust ever since, culminating in the groin injury this week. The injury will keep Soto out of action for at least two weeks, and will subject the Cubs to the hellish experience that is Koyie Hill.

The magazine, long thought the province of housewives and aspiring debutants, has become something of a wrecking ball in recent years, featuring Tiger Woods one month before his numerous affairs came to light, Tony Romo before he missed almost the entirety of the 2011 NFL season with a broken collar bone, and Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa just three days before his now-infamous pantsless press conference.

Soto, for his part, is trying to remain positive.

“It’s a real shame, how things played out,” Soto said while rehabbing in Mesa, Arizona this weekend. “I just wanted to share some eyebrow-sculpting tips with the world. Maybe a brownie recipe. And this is what happens.”

The Cubs, out of an abundance of caution, have cancelled all planned photo shoots over the next couple months, including an Alfonso Soriano spot in ‘Tiger Beat,’ and a Jeff Samardzija spread in ‘Pirate Beard Aficionado.’

Recently released pitcher Carlos Silva was discovered by officials from the Chicago Animal Shelter Alliance late Friday night. A representative described Silva as “an emaciated (for him) 270 pounds, scratching and pulling at doors around Wrigley Field.”

Silva was given the boot near the end of Spring Training after he failed to make the 25-man roster and refused an assignment to AAA Iowa. But CASA officials believe he found his way back to Wrigley Field after learning that Cubs pitchers Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner would be headed to the disabled list.

Silva apparently didn’t realize that the Cubs were on the road, and that they had absolutely no interest whatsoever in reuniting with the cantankerous pitcher.

“I thought I was too proud to accept a job as a minor league pitcher,” Silva explained while rummaging through a nearby trash can. “But after a week, you realize that, if you’re not too proud to scrape the cheese of a discarded pizza box, you’re not too proud for very much.”

“I’m just hoping to get another chance,” Silva concluded as he wandered back and forth by the Batting Cages.

After exchanging posterior sniffs with another pitcher who didn’t make the Cubs’ roster, Braden Looper, Silva galloped off after a departing automobile.

None has fared better than young shortstop Starlin Castro, who is hitting .410 with three home runs on the Spring.

But Castro, for all his on-field success, remains unsatisfied with his professional life. Like most celebrities, Castro yearns to be something he isn’t yet: a singer.

In and out of the recording studio for more than a year, Castro had designs on releasing his debut track this weekend. The song, entitled “Saturday,” recounts a typical Saturday for the star shortstop, set to a melodic, if sophomoric, tune.

Among the high points, Castro notes that “It’s Saturday, I’m waking up, I think I’ll go to the ballpark so I have to get my car, but first I’ll eat some cereal, maybe Frosted Flakes, oh wait I have Count Chocula, I really like that cereal, I might hit a home run today with my homies chilling on first base, and second base, and third base…”

But at the last minute, Castro and his manager decided to hold off on releasing the song until “later this year.” Unconfirmed reports say that the decision was based in large part on recent Internet punching bag, Rebecca Black, and her ironic, awful hit song, “Friday.”

“They’re going to wait on ‘Saturday,’” an unnamed source said of the decision. “But they’re going back to the studio next week to work on some new songs like ‘I Am Currently Playing Shortstop,’ ‘My Heart is Beating Faster Than Usual Because I’m Exercising,’ and ‘The Sky Appears to Be Blue When I Look at It.’”

The low point happened just after the first inning of Wednesday’s game against the Brewers. With shoddy defense behind him, starting rotation hopeful Carlos Silva gave up six runs in a disastrous first inning, and then got into a dugout fight with teammate Aramis Ramirez. The scene was eerily reminiscent of a fight last June between pitcher Carlos Zambrano and former Cub Derrek Lee, again, after a rough first inning.

Ramirez says things have been smoothed over with Silva, but things are still quite tense in the clubhouse. That’s in large part, sources say, because ever since the Silva-Ramirez tilt, pitcher Carlos Marmol has desperately been trying to pick a fight.

“It’s hard to say the reason for sure,” the source said, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And far be it from me to speculate, but as sure as my batting average will be below .230 in the far too many games I start behind the plate this year, I believe it’s because Marmol thinks all the pitching Carloses have to fight.”

With three pitchers on the Cubs named Carlos, each with a fiery temperament, and two already having had interteam fights, it would be understandable if Marmol just wanted to fit in with the other two.

“I think it’s a status thing,” the source went on. “Silva and Zambrano are much bigger than Marmol, and I think Marmol doesn’t want to feel like he’s the weaker, smaller Carlos.”

Whatever the reason, Marmol has repeatedly baited teammates since Wednesday.

“I saw him give Matt Garza a wet willy, and I saw him pants Kosuke Fukudome. Believe me, that second one was more likely to get the rest of us ready to fight Marmol.”

Still, no teammate has gone after Marmol despite his efforts. The source thinks Marmol won’t give up until somebody brawls with him, or until he can finally beat the Gatorade machine in hand-to-hand combat.

Indeed, Soriano is currently signed to an exhorbitant deal that will pay him $18 million per year for the next four seasons

Soriano explained his decision early this morning to the one reporter who arrived to speak with him at HoHoKam Park.

“I just don’t want rumors and media attention about my contract extension to be a distraction this season,” Soriano said to no one in particular. “I’ll let my terrible outfield routes and maddeningly inconsistent performance at the plate be the distraction.”

The Cubs have yet to comment publicly on Soriano’s deadline, but insiders say the team is concerned that the deadline could scuttle plans to offer Soriano a restructured deal that would pay him $1 million the next three seasons, and $69 million in 2014, with a no-trade clause that would not only allow him to veto any trade, but also grants him a $150 million bonus in the event he accepts a trade.

With the Cubs are looking to compete in 2011, finding the right pieces early is critical to their success. That’s why Hendry has brought in a broad range of players to compete in Mesa, Arizona this year, each hoping to claim a spot on the 25-man roster. The more, the Cubs say, the better.

Of course, it doesn’t explain why the Cubs gave Justin Bieber a non-roster invitation to Spring Training.

“Look,” Hendry said, exasperated by repeated questions about his motives for inviting the 16 year old pop star to a Major League Spring Training. “This kid can play. That’s what this move is about. Nobody believed that he could become the musical sensation he’s become, and nobody believes he can be the Cubs’ new fifth starter. But he proved us all wrong before, and he can do it again.”

“And that hair. You’ve seen what Bronson Arroyo can do with flowing locks of wonder, so I can only imagine how impactful Justin Bieber will be.”

Hendry pointed out that the move was not without precedent.

“It’s like when the Royals tried out Garth Brooks, but better. And younger. And I’m not just saying that because Garth turned us down. Repeatedly.”

“So what if it comes with the side benefit of a little attention and excitement,” Hendry continued. “The rest of the world has to wait another two weeks to see him in ‘Justin Bieber: Never Say Never’ in 3D. I got to see him in 3D just this morning. Snap!”

Continuing his defense of the controversial Bieber invite, Hendry pointed out that the Cubs invited, among others, infielder Augie Ojeda. “It’s not like the talent bar was set particularly high,” Hendry said.

Whether Bieber will have an impact on the baseball diamond remains to be seen, but his anticipated presence is already having an impact on the Cubs. Tyler Colvin has grown a Beatles-like mop top, and has taken to annoyingly sweeping it out of his eyes repeatedly during interviews.

Bieber’s future teammates can look forward to meeting the teen superstar in a few short weeks, except for Randy Wells, against whom Justin Bieber’s restraining order will not expire until mid-season.

Garza wasn’t the only player the Cubs netted from the Rays. The team also added lefty pitching prospect Zach Rosscup and outfielder Fernando Perez. Perez, 27, is no longer considered much of a prospect, but teammates rave about his spirit and positive attitude.

And best of all? It turns out Perez is a huge Cubs fan.

“Oh man, I’ve been a Cubs fan for years,” Perez said, peering from behind a giant, blue foam finger. “How do I put it? I’ve played for the Rays. When you play for the Rays, you’ve just got to have a top-of-the-line club to be a fan of, you know? A real winner to fall back on.”

“But when I was 13, a man in a Yankee hat gave me a massage that lasted just a little too long, so I ended up just rooting for the Cubs.”

The timing of the trade has had a fortuitous twist for Perez, who says he had passes to attend next week’s Cubs Convention, but now gets to attend as a player.

“I was looking forward to meeting my heroes Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster, but now, people are going to be looking forward to meeting me!” Perez exclaimed before being rebuffed in an attempt to give a passerby an autograph.

“One minute, I was going to be the guy bitching about the Cubs giving up way too much to get Matt Garza, and the next, I’m going to be the guy folks point to when they say ‘that’s the guy who put the Garza trade over the top.’ Believe me, fellow Cub fans, I wasn’t on board with moving Chris Archer and Hak-Ju Lee until I heard the Cubs were getting me thrown in. I look forward to discussing this with you next week.”

[Ed. - Oh my, this has gone... poorly. If you're here because of Fernando Perez's thorough and not altogether incorrect fisking of this article, I would encourage you to read my mea culpa at Bleacher Nation: New Cub Fernando Perez is Not Happy with Me, and He's Probably Right. The short version? Sorry to Fernando and the readers for what was, ultimately, a crappy and unfunny article.

UPDATE: Fernando says there's no hard feelings, which I appreciate. His counter-apology is unnecessary, but accepted.

I think he's still got the wrong impression of me - both as a person and a writer - but (cliche alert) we only get one chance to make a first impression. I bombed mine with Fernando, and probably quite a few prospective readers. All I can do is try harder next time. And spell "heroes" correctly.]