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Chicago Cubs Eagerly Awaiting Call from Pac-10

(Chicago, IL) – The 2010 season has been unkind to the Chicago Cubs, who’ve plodded along with minimal success despite a bloated payroll. There is no sign of refuge on the horizon, and sources indicate that the front office has stopped hoping that the team will right the ship.

Instead, the team is looking to make a move. A big move. And it’s not a trade deadline deal they’re looking to make – the Cubs are hoping to be the next team invited to join the Pac-10. Read more

Piniella to Castro: I Told You to Keep Your Damn Balloons Away from the Power Lines

(Chicago, IL) – On Wednesday, the lights went out.

The Chicago Cubs were hosting the Los Angeles Dodgers at Wrigley Field Wednesday night when, as pitcher Tom Gorzelanny pitched to Blake DeWitt, power in the area went out. During the resulting delay, crews scrambled to turn the lights back on at Wrigley, and the Cubs scrambled to discover the source of the power outage.

It wasn’t long before manager Lou Piniella determined an old nemesis was the cause: shortstop Starlin Castro’s bundle of balloons. Read more

Cubs Ask Aramis Ramirez to Take Naps During Games

(Chicago, IL) – The Chicago Cubs’ offensive woes are a secret to no one.

Just as plain are the particular struggles of star third baseman Aramis Ramirez. His batting average stands at just .159, and he has not been able to keep his OPS over .500.

And the Cubs are no longer content to sit back and do nothing about it. The solution? They want Aramis to sit back and do nothing about it. Read more

Lack of Injuries Leave Cubs Excuse Reserves Dangerously Low

(Chicago, IL) – Despite a couple of recent wins against a struggling Arizona club, the Chicago Cubs’ season has been, on the whole, a disappointment. A lack of timely hitting or a reliable bullpen have led to a number of close, late losses.

But why exactly aren’t the Cubs performing better? It’s easy to see the problems, but it’s harder to see the reasons. So we went straight to the source: the Chicago Cubs Excuse Department. Read more

Fans Clearly Growing Tired of Alfonso Soriano’s Entourage

(Chicago, IL) – It’s early in the 2010 season, and although the Chicago Cubs haven’t been that bad, the boo birds are already out in full force. Their favorite target? Gimpy left fielder Alfonso Soriano.

But according to fans, they aren’t just booing Soriano because of his miles-long swing or his pathetic defense. Apparently they’ve grown tired of his prima donna status, as evinced by his newfound entourage. Read more

Man Stalking Cubs is Probably Kevin Millar

(Atlanta, GA) – The Chicago Cubs opened the 2010 season yesterday with a resounding thud against the Atlanta Braves. It seems the team had trouble shaking off the rust from Spring Training and a long offseason. Starting pitching difficulties and bullpen experience issues continue to haunt the Cubs like a grim specter from years passed, following them everywhere they go.

And if that were the only creepy thing following the Cubs, they might be able to accept it. Read more

Cubs Announce Rotation, Strike Fear in the Hearts of Cubs Fans

(Mesa, AZ) – Spring Training is winding down, and Major League Baseball teams are making their final roster decisions. Who to keep on the roster, who to stash on the bench or the bullpen. The Chicago Cubs are no different, and face the very same decisions heading into the 2010 season.

They knocked one off the list yesterday, when manager Lou Piniella announced that pitchers Carlos Silva and Tom Gorzelanny would enter the season as the back two starters in the Cubs’ rotation. Almost instantly, you could feel a tremor rumble through the nation. A fear. A terror. The Chicago Cubs’ rotation was striking fear in the hearts of many. And all of those hearts belong to Cubs fans. Read more

New Cub Carlos Silva Ready to Kick Ass, Take Names – Will Start with the Names Part

(Mesa, Arizona) – For the most part, the Chicago Cubs sport the same faces as they did last season. There were few departures and few new arrivals, but one of the new guys is hoping to show his teammates that he’s ready to participate at a minimally acceptable level.

New Cubs pitcher Carlos Silva, acquired from the Seattle Mariners in exchange for malcontent Milton Bradley, is fighting for a spot in the rotation, and he says this is the year that he’ll kick some ass. Maybe. Read more

Ryan Dempster’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Debut Generally Ill-Received

(Chicago, IL) – The room was packed to the edges with photographers, industry leaders, friends, and family. Everything had been planned, down to the finest detail. It was a big day for Chicago Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster.

No, it wasn’t the arrival of a new child, or a post-no-hitter press conference. Today, Dempster was unveiling another side of him – not father or pitcher, but model. Ryan Dempster was at the launch party for this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. But all the planning in the world could not have prepared him for the response to come. Read more

Carlos Zambrano Tells Fans to Start Calling Him “The Situation”

(Chicago, IL) – The Major League Baseball off-season is hitting its strides, and players all over are finding ways to cope with the long stretch of downtime. Some players like to relax and take vacations. Other players begin a workout regimen, ensuring that their bodies are in peak physical condition for the subsequent season.

Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano found a way to combine the two, and was recently on a local radio show touting his new physique and his recent vacation. Read more

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