Reed Johnson Helps Power Cubs Past Pirates Despite Mysterious Appearance of Balls on Chin
August 4, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The Chicago Cubs managed to out-do the Pittsburgh Pirates on Sunday thanks in no small part to Cubs outfielder Reed Johnson. Johnson blasted an 0-2 pitch deep and out of the park in the bottom of the 8th inning to give the Cubs the win. He even made his first curtain call appearance after the shot.
But it was the appearance of something else - something on Johnson’s chin - that had everyone talking. Read more
Cubs Beat on Brewers Like So Many Big, Fat Pinatas
July 30, 2008
(Milwaukee, WI) - The Chicago Cubs have been terrible on the road. As in, Washinton Nationals on the road - heck, or at home - terrible. So entering this week’s critical series in Milwaukee against the Brewers, the Cubs had good reason to be nervous. But after two games, the nerves have subsided.
That may be because the atmosphere hasn’t felt like the road. With thousands of fans making the treck up from Chicago to support the Cubs, it has actually felt more like a party in the back yard. And the Cubs have treated it like a party, smacking around the Brewers like they were just a bunch of pinatas.
Very big, fat pinatas. Read more
On Possible Cubs Owner Mark Cuban: You Either Love Him or Hate Him or You Think He’s Just OK
July 28, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The sale of the Chicago Cubs is nearing its closing stages, and according to reports, the list of suitors has been trimmed to three. Among the three, and reportedly the highest bidder at $1.3 billion, is Mavericks owner (and maverick owner) Mark Cuban.
Cuban is an eccentric type in the mold of George Steinbrenner, but one that clearly cares deeply about whether his Mavericks win. But are his antics too much for some Cubs fans? To be certain, the idea of Mark Cuban as the Chicago Cubs’ owner always evokes strong responses from Cubs fans - in both directions. Or something. Read more
Cubs Alfonso Soriano Attributes Recovery from Hand Injury to Rehab Program Consisting Solely of Brushing Giant Teeth
July 23, 2008
(Phoenix, AZ) - As the Cubs struggle through a tough week, they are set to finally get some good news. Barring any setbacks, it looks like star left fielder Alfonso Soriano will be returning to the Cubs in the next couple of days. Soriano has been out since June 11 after an errant pitch broke his hand.
The Cubs expected Soriano to be out for more than six weeks, but it looks like he will return in just a shade under that projection. Manager Lou Piniella called Soriano the fastest healer he’s ever seen. So is it something special about Soriano that has allowed him to come back quickly? Perhaps a Wolverine-esque healing power? Maybe, but that’s not what Soriano says. Read more
Kerry Wood Still Recovering From Blister - Regrets Spending All That Time on the Monkey Bars
July 19, 2008
(Houston, TX) - The Cubs consider themselves refreshed after a long All Star break, and were ready to head to Houston to take on the Astros for their first weekend tilt in the second half. But not all of the Cubs were as refreshed as they needed to be to play. Unfortunately, Cubs closer Kerry Wood is going to be unavailable this weekend as he continues to recover from a nasty blister on his throwing hand.
With the Cubs trying to win their first World Series in one hundred years, Cub fans wonder just how such an important player injured his hand so badly that he’s had to sit out for weeks. Is it because of his devastating curveball? Or the pressure he puts on the ball just before he throws a 97 mph heater high and tight?
No, Wood says. It’s the damn monkey bars. Read more
Every Single Cub Named to All Star Team Except Mark DeRosa
July 13, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The Midsummer Classic, the Major League Baseball All Star game, is almost upon us. And it will be a particularly exciting All Star game for Cubs fans this year, because they will get a chance to see their favorite Cubs players representing both the Chicago Cubs and the National League as they take on the stars from the American League.
Many of their favorite Cubs players. As in, almost all of them. Except poor Mark DeRosa. Read more
Cubs Feel Bad for Spurned Non-All Star Reds, Treat Them to Home Run Derby
July 11, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The Cubs have a lot of guys headed to the Midsummer Classic, the All Star Game. The Cincinnati Reds have only Edinson Volquez. So while the Reds were in town, the Cubs decided to treat them by hosting their own version of the Home Run Derby on Thursday, which the Reds won by hitting approximately 800 home runs.
“We just felt bad, because we knew they were going to miss the festivities at the All Star game,” Cubs starting pitcher Ted Lilly said, “and some of these guys would have been great in the Home Run Derby. So we gave them their own Derby.” Read more
Cubs Acquire Oakland A’s Stud Pitcher Who is Sure to Put Them Over the Top - Also Acquire Rich Harden
July 9, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - From the moment the Milwaukee Brewers acquired ace C.C. Sabathia from the Cleveland Indians, speculation abounded as to just how the Chicago Cubs would respond. Most felt that the Cubs would also need to acquire a top-notch pitcher if they were going to maintain their lead in the N.L. Central over the Brewers.
Well, it didn’t take long for the Cubs to respond, as just two days after the Sabathia deal, the Cubs got their man from the Oakland A’s: moderately successful reliever and sometimes starter Chad Gaudin. Read more
Brewers Trade for C.C. Sabathia - Cubs Go Out and Sleep with First Pitcher They See
July 7, 2008
(Chicago, IL) - The C.C. Sabathia sweepstakes were settled late last night when word began leaking that the Milwaukee Brewers had acquired the Cleveland Indian ace for AA slugger Matt LaPorta, and two other low-level minor leaguers.
The Chicago Cubs had been interested in Sabathia, but when it became clear that they would not have enough to acquire him, they did their best to convince everyone else that the Cubs weren’t interested in the first place. But now that Sabathia is a Brewer, the Cubs have apparently decided they must go to great lengths to show the baseball world that they doing just fine after the move. When word of the trade broke, the Cubs immediately went out to a local club and slept with the first pitcher they saw. Read more
Sean Gallagher Suspects Being Asked to Hold Fireworks During 4th of July Display “Might be hazing”
July 4, 2008
(St. Louis, MO) - All across the country today, festive patriots are proudly displaying their love for this country by waiving American flags, getting together for cookouts, and of course, lighting off fireworks. And things are no different for the Chicago Cubs.
This year Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster hosted the Cubs’ 4th of July festivities late Thursday night before the Cubs series against the St. Louis Cardinals begins. He was helped by young teammate Sean Gallagher whom Dempster asked to hold the fireworks during the display.
While Dempster lit them off. Read more
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Random Flashback Headlines
- Brewers Trade for C.C. Sabathia - Cubs Go Out and Sleep with First Pitcher They See
- Nick Swisher on Arrest for Methamphetamine Possession; “Just Trying to Relate to My New Fans”
- Mark DeRosa to retire, become Rock and Roll Guitarist
- Lou Piniella Turns to Situational Lefty in the First Inning
- NEWSBRIEF: Brett Favre Retires to Pursue Writing, Directing and No-Inflection Monotone Acting Career
- Kansas City Royals Mathematically Eliminated from Playoff Contention
- Roger Clemens distracted by “that Flitwick-lookin’ dude” during Congressional Hearing
- Cardinal Fans - Can We At Least Agree This is the Greatest Rivalry in Sports, oh, and You’re a Douchebag?
- Cubs Plan to Trade for Jake Peavy, Somehow Come Home with Mark Prior
- Lou Piniella: Ghosts of Christmas Past and Present OK, Ghost of Christmas Future “Kind of a dick”
