Super Bowl Loss Confirms Roethlisberger Did It

February 7, 2011

(Dallas, TX) – Ben Roethlisberger had a decidedly up and down 2010 NFL season. Bookending a superb regular season and playoffs was a heartbreaking Super Bowl loss and a four-game suspension to start the year. The suspension, meted out by Commissioner Roger Goodell, was related to an offseason sexual assault allegation in Georgia – the second of Roethlisberger’s career – that did not ultimately lead to an arrest.

But still, fans, observers and even football betting sites wondered whether, because of his celebrity, Roethlisberger had avoided  charges despite the seriousness of what he had done. Without a prosecutor willing to seek indictment, however, no one could ever really be sure of what had happened that Georgia night.

Until now. With his Steelers falling 31-25 to the Green Bay Packers, it’s clear that Roethlisberger is guilty. Read more

Cam Newton’s Father Declares Cam Newton Eligible for NFL Draft

January 13, 2011

(Auburn, AL) – Fresh on the heels of a dramatic 22-19 win in the BCS National Championship Game over the Oregon Ducks, Auburn’s controversial quarterback Cam Newton is going pro.

Though he says it was the product of a long and difficult decision-making process, ultimately, he realized the time was right to make a move. That’s why, on Thursday, Cam Newton’s father, Cecil Newton, declared that Cam Newton would be making himself eligible for the 2011 NFL Draft. Read more

NFL to Fine or Suspend Stadium Turf for Recklessly Causing Toe Injuries

November 16, 2010

(New York, NY) – The National Football League season is just past the mid-way, and the games have been as exciting as ever. The last two weeks have seen more overtime games than in recent memory, and team’s are putting up points like never before.

Still, the game is not without its issues. A spate of injuries, most notably concussions, has ravaged the league, and left the Commissioner’s Office to issue a mandate: defensive players who target defenseless receivers with unnecessarily dangerous hits will be subject to unprecedented fines and even suspensions.

The directive, though controversial, has arguably been a success. Major injuries, including concussions, are down. In fact, the directive has been so successful that the Commissioner’s Office has another. Read more

Colts to Rest Starters for the Postseason to Ensure Freshness for Next Year’s Playoffs

January 9, 2010

(Indianapolis, IN) – Many fans, both of the Colts and the NFL in general, were disappointed to see the Colts pull their starters in a close game in week 16 against the New York Jets, leading to a loss, and the end of their previously undefeated season.

As head coach Jim Caldwell explained, the Colts were simply trying to maximize their chance to win in the post-season. You know, even though a team wins the Super Bowl every single year, and a team has only gone undefeated once in history. So the trade-off totally made sense.

And the Colts are poised to make another controversial decision. Read more

Cedric Benson Really Shows Bears – That He Was a Lazy Douche in Chicago

October 26, 2009

(Cincinnati, OH) – As his new team, the surprising Cincinnati Bengals, jumped all over his old team in a 45-10 drubbing, running back Cedric Benson could only smile.

It had been a long road for the formerly troubled back out of Texas. Drafted in the first round with lofty expectations, Benson was never able to put it all together in Chicago after a rookie year holdout, minor but troublesome injuries, and off-the-field incidents.

But he stood on the sidelines Sunday with his new team, glaring over at the team that let him go the year before. Yes, he thought. I just showed them. Showed them all the talent I have but was far too lazy and cantankerous to use for them. Read more

Buffalo Bills Sign Badboy Terrell Owens, Think They Can “Change Him”

March 9, 2009

(Buffalo, NY) – When the Dallas Cowboys finally became so fed up with rebellous wide receiver Terrell Owens and released him a little while ago, most thought it would be a while before he found a new team to take him in.

But the Buffalo Bills swooped in quickly with a one-year, $6.5 million deal for Owens. Ever the badboy, Owens brings as much off the field drama as on the field talent. But the Bills say this time, it will be different.

Read more

Unable to Lure Jerome Bettis Out of Retirement, Steelers Sign Actual Bus

February 2, 2009

pittsburgh steelers bus

(Tampa, Fla.) – The Pittsburgh Steelers, for the second time since 2005, have won the Super Bowl, beating the Arizona Cardinals in the big game last night, 27-23. It was an exciting, back and forth affair, but in the end, the AFC Champion Steelers were too physical, too powerful, and too much for the Cardinals.

When the Steelers won it all in 2005, they were led by running back Jerome Bettis, nicknamed the Bus for his powerful style. Bettis retired immediately after that Super Bowl victory, but the Steelers never quite got over his absence.

Read more

Bears Spare Fans Playoff Misery By Skipping Playoffs

December 29, 2008

(Houston, TX) – The Chicago Bears entered Sunday, the last week of the regular season, with an excellent chance of making the playoffs. But after a 31-24 loss to the Houston Texans, the Bears found themselves squarely on the outside of the playoff picture looking in.

And that’s exactly where they wanted to be. Read more

On Verge of Winless Season, Lions Face Mercury Morris Rap

December 22, 2008

(Detroit, MI) – It’s no secret that the city of Detroit has had a terrible year. Jobs are scare. The American automobile industry is on the verge of collapse.

And the Detroit Lions are 0-15.

With one more loss, the city of Detroit’s misery in 2008 will be complete. And the team will have done something just one other team managed to “accomplish”: a perfectly winless season. Read more

Report: Burress Told Friends, Police He Feared Himself Just Days Before Shooting

December 1, 2008

plaxico burress pictures

(New York, NY) – Troubled New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress was released from the hospital late Saturday after sustaining a gunshot wound to his thigh. Preliminary reports indicated that the injury was both accidental, and self-inflicted.

Most assumed it was just a borderline-comical happenstance, but details are surfacing that the shooting may have been something more sinister. And confusing. Read more

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