But still, fans, observers and even football betting sites wondered whether, because of his celebrity, Roethlisberger had avoided  charges despite the seriousness of what he had done. Without a prosecutor willing to seek indictment, however, no one could ever really be sure of what had happened that Georgia night.

Until now. With his Steelers falling 31-25 to the Green Bay Packers, it’s clear that Roethlisberger is guilty.

“All through the season and into the playoffs, I was ready to believe he was innocent,” ESPN analyst Ron Jaworksi said this morning after the game. “He was playing so well, and it was such a good story. No one that good at football commits rape.”

“I mean, just look at Michael Vick. Before the season, he was a dog murderer,” Jaws went on. “But then he tears up the league, and we all realize we were wrong.”

“But Roethlisberger, I mean, he goes out there, and not only do the Steelers lose, but he throws two picks and has a totally forgettable game. That, my friends, is the tell-tale sign of a rapist.”

Jaworski wasn’t the only pundit to turn on Roethlisberger after the game.

“He’s just not a good person,” Joe Buck, who called the game for Fox, said late last night. “I always suspected it, but I wasn’t ready to say it until after the Steelers lost. His poor play confirmed it for me.”

Vegas, too, has seen fit to change course on Roethlisberger. It’s only a matter of days before prop bets about a 2011 playoff run for him turn into prop bets on games suspended. And the over/under on sexual assault allegations in 2011 has risen precipitously from 2 to 8.

Though he says it was the product of a long and difficult decision-making process, ultimately, he realized the time was right to make a move. That’s why, on Thursday, Cam Newton’s father, Cecil Newton, declared that Cam Newton would be making himself eligible for the 2011 NFL Draft.

“We’ve appreciated our time at Auburn, and want to extend our sincere thanks to Coach Chizik, Cam’s teammates, and the boosters,” Cecil Newton said, tears softly falling from his eyes, a gleaming Heisman trophy held at the crook of his arm. “But for now, the best thing for Cam, and his future, is to take his talents to the NFL where he can make me some real money.”

Cecil says he hasn’t given much thought to where he hopes his son will be drafted, or what team he will play for.

“When the time is right, I’ll let Cam know where he’ll be playing next year. The last thing I want to happen is to have him all excited to play for the Carolina Panthers only to learn that they aren’t going to pony up the cash. And then he’s got to settle for playing for the Bills or the Browns. No, sir, I won’t put my son through that kind of disappointment.”

Cam, himself, did not surface at the press conference, but reporters caught up with the star quarterback, gathering his things at his Auburn apartment.

When asked whether he struggled with the decision given that his team would have a chance to compete for back-to-back national championships next year, Cam Newton was indignant.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me be clear: whatever the Auburn Tigers were doing without my knowledge this year is none of my business. I may have been playing in the games, I may have been the star quarterback, and I may have received all of the accolades associated with an undefeated season. But I had no idea of what the team was doing on my behalf.”

When asked if he was excited about playing against the best of the best next year, the junior Newton beamed.

“Absolutely,” Cam explained, “it will be nice to finally get to keep some of my own earnings.”

Still, the game is not without its issues. A spate of injuries, most notably concussions, has ravaged the league, and left the Commissioner’s Office to issue a mandate: defensive players who target defenseless receivers with unnecessarily dangerous hits will be subject to unprecedented fines and even suspensions.

The directive, though controversial, has arguably been a success. Major injuries, including concussions, are down. In fact, the directive has been so successful that the Commissioner’s Office has another.

“Our league prides itself on both excitement and fan enjoyment,” Roger Goodell read from a prepared statement. “But we must also pride ourselves in how we take care of the players on the field. That’s why, effective with the Week 11 games, the league will be fining or suspending any stadium turf responsible for recklessly causing toe injuries, including but not limited to turf toe.”

Reaction from around the country, and particularly in the media, has been predictably negative.

“How can we expect stadium turf to function in the way that is necessary for a football game if it’s constantly faced with the threat of fines or suspension,” Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan asked. “Half of the stadiums with turf aren’t more than a couple decades old, and aren’t making a huge salary. Can they really be expected to pay these kind of fines?”

Ford Field, the home of the Detroit Lions, may have been the most upset at the news, after its play contributed to twin turf toe injuries for Lions rookie running back Jahvid Best.

“No stadium turf is looking to injure players,” Ford Field said. “But when I’m out there, I do want to hurt players. When a running back is breaking free across the 50 [yard line], you better believe I’m going to rear up and try to explode a bursa sac.”

“Frankly, I’m going to have to think long and hard about suiting up again this season.”

As head coach Jim Caldwell explained, the Colts were simply trying to maximize their chance to win in the post-season. You know, even though a team wins the Super Bowl every single year, and a team has only gone undefeated once in history. So the trade-off totally made sense.

And the Colts are poised to make another controversial decision.

Caldwell has said that he intends to rest his starters for this year’s playoffs, up to and including the Super Bowl. Why? He wants to ensure they are fresh and rested for next year’s postseason.

“It’s a debatable strategy, I’ll give you that,” Caldwell said at a press conference Saturday morning, just hours before the playoffs were set to begin. “But the goal of every team is to win in the postseason, and to win a Super Bowl. And I’m just trying to give us the best chance to do that. You know. Next year.”

Given how uncertain performance is from year to year, it is bizarre that the Colts would forgo this year’s playoffs for an arguably slightly better chance next year.

“I’m not sure I understand the decision, or much of anything really,” Colts star quarterback Peyton Manning said. “But now I’m free to film that Super Bowl commercial Activia has been asking me about. ‘Poop that poop.’ Yeah.”

Speaking of the playoffs and the Super Bowl, when you go down the list of Super Bowl betting games, in 14 of the 43 Super Bowls there has been a double-digit favorite. That seems unusually high as the two teams theoretically would be the two best in the NFL, and not much separating them. However, in the Super Bowl betting games matchup this season, if the teams listed as the top two favorites in the league go through to the big game in Miami, it is unlikely that the Indianapolis Colts will be a very big favorite over the New Orleans Saints or vice versa. If we have upsets in the post-season, we can’t predict how that Super Bowl betting line is going to go!

It had been a long road for the formerly troubled back out of Texas. Drafted in the first round with lofty expectations, Benson was never able to put it all together in Chicago after a rookie year holdout, minor but troublesome injuries, and off-the-field incidents.

But he stood on the sidelines Sunday with his new team, glaring over at the team that let him go the year before. Yes, he thought. I just showed them. Showed them all the talent I have but was far too lazy and cantankerous to use for them.“I was just glad to get the opportunity to really stick it to the Bears,” Benson said after the game, where he continued his surprising 2009 campaign, which has seen him rise to the top of the league. “I came to the Bears with the right attitude – you know, a sense of unearned entitlement. And I made sure to work half as hard as I could to become a pretty ok running back.”

“And then, they went and traded my best buddy Thomas Jones just when we were getting along,” Benson continued. “They’ve still never explained it to me.”

“In short, they gave me chance after chance, and I blew them all. And then I blew it on a boat. And then they released me. Unbelievable, right?”

That’s why the win was so special, Benson explained.

“Finally, I was able to show the Bears what they are missing. A motivated, interested, and engaged Cedric Benson. Yup, I really showed them.”

(Buffalo, NY) – When the Dallas Cowboys finally became so fed up with rebellous wide receiver Terrell Owens and released him a little while ago, most thought it would be a while before he found a new team to take him in.

But the Buffalo Bills swooped in quickly with a one-year, $6.5 million deal for Owens. Ever the badboy, Owens brings as much off the field drama as on the field talent. But the Bills say this time, it will be different.

“We know he’s got a bad reputation, but he said he’d change for us,” head coach Dick Jauron said. “He only treated those other teams bad because he didn’t really care about them.”

The courtship process was very fast, but Jauron says the Bills know enough about Owens to be comfortable with the commitment. He says some teams try to only sign nice guys, but doesn’t really work out.

“Deep down, every team wants to find a bad boy that they can change, and mold into something good.”

“We know that when he treats a team badly, it’s just because he doesn’t know how to love properly yet,” Jauron continued. “He’s worth the trouble, because despite the harsh exterior, inside, he’s just a sweet little boy. And even if not, just look at those abs.”

(Tampa, Fla.) – The Pittsburgh Steelers, for the second time since 2005, have won the Super Bowl, beating the Arizona Cardinals in the big game last night, 27-23. It was an exciting, back and forth affair, but in the end, the AFC Champion Steelers were too physical, too powerful, and too much for the Cardinals.

When the Steelers won it all in 2005, they were led by running back Jerome Bettis, nicknamed the Bus for his powerful style. Bettis retired immediately after that Super Bowl victory, but the Steelers never quite got over his absence.

For that reason, when the Steelers clinched a bid to the Super Bowl two weeks ago, the team immediately put out feelers to Bettis.

“We feel good about our ground game,” Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said, “but in short yardage situations, there’s no doubt that we could use a powerful guy to lower the boom like Bettis used to.”

But Bettis would not be persuaded, as he was comfortable in retirement. The Steelers had to scramble for another option.

“Well, we sat in a team meeting, and I remember I kept asking, ‘how can we find someone as good as the Bus?’” Tomlin said. “And it was like a lightning bolt hit all our faces at once. Duh. If we can’t get the Bus, how about a bus?”

So that’s when the Steelers went out and signed East Pittsburgh Preparatory Academy Schoolbus Number Three.

“We were glad to get him when we did. He was being scouted by a few other teams for next season, and also a couple other schools for, well, you know, busing.”

Though the bus got up to speed on the team’s playbook in time for the game yesterday, ultimately he was not of great help. The Steelers were stuffed three times at the goal line, twice when the Cardinals refused to yield at the bus’s extended stop sign.

“The bus signing did not really work out as expected, no,” Tomlin said in a post-game press conference. “It turns out there was some difficult in the quarterback and running back exchange, due to the bus’s lack of hands. And he did really have the power that we saw when we were working him out.”

“Oh, and some of the decisions he made on the field were really questionable. I guess that’s what we get for signing a short bus.”

(Houston, TX) – The Chicago Bears entered Sunday, the last week of the regular season, with an excellent chance of making the playoffs. But after a 31-24 loss to the Houston Texans, the Bears found themselves squarely on the outside of the playoff picture looking in.

And that’s exactly where they wanted to be.

It was a season of ups and downs for the Bears, but when all was said and done, their season finished without a trip to the playoffs. Most would say that’s a disappointing outcome, but the Bears say it’s what they were planning all along.

“Of course most teams are just trying to get into the playoffs,” Bears head coach Lovie Smith said after the loss. “They don’t let themselves think about getting to the NFC championship game, or the Super Bowl. They don’t want to get ahead of themselves and think about that. Well, that’s kind of how we were thinking. We didn’t want to think about getting into the playoffs. We didn’t want to get ahead of ourselves. We were just focused on ending the regular season.”

But why would the Bears be so interested in avoiding the playoffs? After all, isn’t that the goal of every major sports franchise?

“Look, it’s a tough time for the fans of Chicago,” Smith explained. “We haven’t been great since the ’80s. The Bulls haven’t been the same without Jordan. The Cubs are the Cubs, and to top it all off, the good fans of Chicago have to deal with White Sox fans traipsing around like they own the damn place.”

“We all saw what happened this year and last year with the Cubs. They had a great regular season, and made it to the playoffs. Everyone was hopeful and excited. And then boom, a playoff sweep, and it’s over. And it’s heartbreaking for the fans. We just couldn’t do that to our fans anymore. So we did the honorable thing. We made sure we wouldn’t make the playoffs.”

“I tell you what, it wasn’t exactly easy, either. It was tough to lose to the Texans today. They weren’t playing for anything. So we really had to step it down, and fight through the urge to play smart and play well. We knew could win, and still miss the playoffs if the Vikings won, and either the Buccanneers or Cowboys won. But the Cowboys were playing in the late game, and we just couldn’t take that chance. Good thing we took care of our own business and lost, otherwise, we’d be stuck in the playoffs now [after the Buccaneers and Cowboys both lost].”

Smith concluded his remarks by lamenting that they should have made the decision to skip the playoffs much sooner, so that the fans didn’t have to suffer through 16 games of hope.

“I’ll tell you what. The Bulls are doing it right this year.”

(Detroit, MI) – It’s no secret that the city of Detroit has had a terrible year. Jobs are scare. The American automobile industry is on the verge of collapse.

And the Detroit Lions are 0-15.

With one more loss, the city of Detroit’s misery in 2008 will be complete. And the team will have done something just one other team managed to “accomplish”: a perfectly winless season.

Just one year ago at this time, another team was on the verge of an historic season. The New England Patriots were 15-0 and on the verge of becoming just the second team to finish the NFL regular season undefeated. They were poised to join the 1972 Miami Dolphins in that regard, but there was one man standing in their way.

Mercury Morris.

Morris, a running back for those ’72 Dolphins, opposed the Patriots at every turn. Criticizing the team in talk shows, super markets, churches, soup kitches, and in conversations with invisible world leaders, Morris clearly wanted no other team to join his Dolphins in perfection. He even crafted a Grammy-nominated rap called “Do You Wonder,” calling out the Patriots as “busters,” who would not go undefeated.

Flash forward one year, and Morris is back. This time, he’s directing his hip hop ire at the Detroit Lions, on behalf of the only team in NFL history to accomplish what the Lions are seeking next week: the winless 1976 Tampa Bay Buccanneers.

Morris is slated for an interview on ESPN’s Sportscenter Monday afternoon, where he is expected to unveil his fierce rap attacking the almost perfectly winless Lions. Fortunately – or unfortunately – we have secured an advance copy.

The name’s Mercury Morris and I ain’t malevolent,

But I’ll do whatever I can to stay remotely relevant.

This rap is goin’ out to Detroit Rock City.

I want them bustas to know they ain’t perfectly shitty.

Yeah them Lions are bad and they’ve lost fifteen,

But it takes one more to be ugly pageant queen.

You think you got what it takes to make a season’s worth of mistakes?

You bustas gonna learn you only get what you earn.

It takes lots of effort to lose them all; or maybe lack of effort and Crisco on the ball.

Don’t throw to Calvin Johnson, he’s too dang good.

Don’t play any defense like a good team would.

But no matter how you try, you ain’t as bad as them Bucs,

You’ll never be the team that perfectly sucks.

I’ll admit, signing Daunte Caulpepper was a pretty good start,

Though repeated hand-offs to Rudi Johnson was the impressive part.

But in the end my friend it isn’t enough,

‘Cause in the end my friend you were just too tough.

Maybe next year you’ll be a perfect underachiever.

Just make sure in the first round, you draft another receiver.

You need to understand losing isn’t as easy as it seems,

By the way did I mention I was on an undefeated team?

Anyway what I’m saying is you’re gonna win one game.

Ask me again, and I’ll tell you the same.

Sure you’re 0-15 but the embarrassing part is,

You just got faced by some pathetic wannabe hip hop artist.

(New York, NY) – Troubled New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress was released from the hospital late Saturday after sustaining a gunshot wound to his thigh. Preliminary reports indicated that the injury was both accidental, and self-inflicted.

Most assumed it was just a borderline-comical happenstance, but details are surfacing that the shooting may have been something more sinister. And confusing.

According to two independent police sources, Burress went to the authorities on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to ask for their protection – from himself. He warned the police that he had been harassing and threatening himself for months. They say he had been telling his friends the same thing.

According to officials, Burress filed a report that said the threats from himself were very specific and menacing, and even went so far as to threaten himself that he could “make it look like an accident.”

The report went on to state that “I have been making threats against me, specifically, that I am going to shoot myself in the leg. I am afraid of what me might do.”

So if Burress filed such a report just days before the shooting, why was nothing done? Why was he allowed to walk out of the station and subsequently attack himself?

“We didn’t take the threats very seriously, to be perfectly honest,” police spokesman Kenneth Wilson said Sunday. “Why didn’t we take them seriously? Well, if you must know, we couldn’t really understand what Mr. Burress was saying. He sounded like his mouth was full of gummi bears and wood glue.”

“I thought maybe he was hitting on me, which made me very uncomfortable. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s black. I’m, I’m kind of a big racist. Why am I still talking?”

As for Burress, he is expected to turn himself into authorities later this week on charges of felony gun possession, and now maybe, self-assault. Friends say Burress desperately hopes to avoid prison time, in part because of his new thigh injury.

“A guy can only have so many openings on his lower body in prison, you know?” a friend said.