Cubs Jokes


We realize that hilarious parody news pieces aren’t for everyone, so this is our little hub for more “traditional” humor and jokes. What good would a Cubs humor site be without a collection of some of the finest Cubs jokes from around the world? After all, if we Cub fans can’t have a sense of humor about our team by now, we may as well just become women’s college field hockey fans.

  • An unfortunate collection of jokes/national punchlines about the 2008 Cubs’ playoff disappointment. Maybe they will be funny in about 50 years. Letterman, Stewart and the Heckler are included. Thanks for throwing us a bone, Trib.
  • A cool series of Cubs/Sox jokes told by Cubs and Sox players, in a kind of “competition” format. The jokes are all in video format. Very entertaining – and no contest. The Cubs are funnier.
  • Our own Cubs jokes here. We like to think they’re pretty good. Being humble is for losers.
  • An ongoing collection of Cubs jokes, puns, riddles, funny stories and more at Cubsnet. Some good chuckles here. A highlight:

A White Sox fan, a boy scout and a priest are all on airplane. The pilot comes on and says he`s got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the plane is going to crash. The good news is that we have three parachutes but that leaves one person without a parachute.

The pilot grabs one saying “I have to explain what went wrong” and jumps.

The White Sox fan grabs one and say we may win this year and jumps.

The priest looks to the boy scout and says “you take the last one”.

The boy replies “We can each have one. That White Sox fan stole my backpack.”

  • A collection of Cubs suck jokes from a message board full of totally heterosexual, large-membered White Sox fans who aren’t compensating for any kind of envy at all. Read at your own risk. You may vomit. A lowlight:

Q: What did Jesus say to the Cubs last time he was on Earth?
A: “Don’t do anything til I get back.”

“One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.”–Joe Garagiola

  • There’s a blog called “The Cubs Suck Club.” They have a page of Cubs jokes. Any wild guesses on the light they cast on the Cubs? A lowlight:

The Cubs should move to the Philippines and change their name to the Manila Folders!

HA HA HA HA HA. FUNNY. (actually, some of the jokes aren’t terrible)

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she’s a White Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they’re White Sox fans, too. Not really knowing what a White Sox fan is but wanting to be just like their teacher, the students launch their hands into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception: A girl named Lucy doesn’t go along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she’s decided to be different. “Because I’m not a White Sox fan,” Lucy says.

“Then what are you?” asks the teacher.

“Why, I’m proud to be a Cubs fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she’s a Cubs fan. “Well, my mom and dad are Cubs fans, so I’m a Cubs fan, too.”

The teacher is now very angry. “That’s no reason!” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a hooker, and your dad was a drug addict. What would you be then?”

Lucy pauses, then smiles. “Why, then,” Lucy says, “I’d be a White Sox fan.”

  • How about the practical joke the Cubs played on strength and conditioning coach Tim Buss. Destroying someone elses car while they watch on helplessly? Hilarious. The tax implications of the sweet new car the Cubs bought for him? Probably not considered.

We’ll keep adding links and jokes as we get them. If you have some suggestions, contact us, and we’ll even include your name. Wowee!