Is Bobby Howry Actually the Best Pitcher on the Cubs? New Statistical Analysis Confirms that No He is Not

August 22, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – These days it seems Chicago Cubs reliever Bobby Howry can’t walk down the streets of Chicago without being booed or openly told that he sucks. And it’s not surprising given his 6.75 ERA in July, and even more eye-popping 7.50 ERA in August.

But is it possible that Bobby Howry is actually the best pitcher on the Cubs this year? Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 7 Comments

Orioles’ Brian Roberts to Cubs: “Do you still like me? Circle one: yes/no”

June 26, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – As the Chicago Cubs compete with the Baltimore Orioles at Wrigley Field this week, it seems that one of the Orioles is competing for something else: the Cubs’ affection. Second baseman Brian Roberts, reportedly a target of the Cubs’ interest in the offseason this year, is apparently still interested in the Cubs.

And he’s doing his best to catch the Cubs’ eye. On, and off the field. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 2 Comments

Jim Hendry refuses to bring CC Sabathia to Chicago

June 24, 2008

Indians Sabathia (Chicago, IL) – Jim Hendry was asked whether he was prepared to part with several prized prospects in order to bring ace CC Sabathia to the Northside. His answer was absolute and sudden.

“No,” responded the Cubs’ GM, much to the surprise and chagrin of the Cubs faithful, as a bit of glaze drizzled down his chins.

Written by Fly · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 4 Comments

Cubs Sweep Little Brother White Sox, Fart on Their Head

June 23, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – The Windy City Series between the Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox ended in an easy sweep for the Cubs, with a 7-1 victory at Wrigley Field. It was as if the White Sox were the Cubs’ annoying little brother, whom the Cubs flicked away like a fly.

In fact it was exactly like a big brother beating up on his little brother: after the game, the Cubs unceremoniously, and collectively, farted on the White Sox head. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 4 Comments

The 5-Minute Superfan: June 22, 2008

June 22, 2008

Welcome to the fourth installment of The 5-Minute Superfan. If you’re wondering what the heck it is, check this page out. It’s been a streaky week in Cubs Nation. And not all the good kind. Think half Heidi Klum streaking, and half Will Ferrell. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under The 5-Minute Superfan | 12 Comments

Lou Piniella Reminisces on Days When He Used to Manage a Team in Tampa Bay

June 20, 2008

Lou Piniella Devil Rays

(Tampa Bay, FL) – Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella sits comfortably in a rocking chair on the porch of his Tampa Bay home. His Cubs were just swept by the Tampa Bay Rays, but Lou can’t be bothered with all that noise. Not now. He’s rocking. And reminiscing.

He wants you to know that he used to manage a team in Tampa Bay, too. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 5 Comments

3-Day Waiting Period Saves Lives as Despondent Cubs Fans Await Word on Carlos Zambrano’s Shoulder Injury

June 19, 2008

sad cubs fan

(Chicago, IL) – Cub fan Tim Smithey is had a crummy day yesterday. The Chicago Cubs lost for the second day in a row, surprisingly-good Jim Edmonds left the game with a foot injury, and ace Carlos Zambrano let the game with as-of-yet undisclosed “shoulder discomfort.”

And then, worst of all, Tim couldn’t even buy a gun to blow his brains out. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 8 Comments

The 5-Minute Superfan: June 16, 2008

June 16, 2008

Welcome to the third installment of The 5-Minute Superfan. If you’re wondering what the heck it is, check this page out. Well we’re back from a completely undeserved vacation, and hope you survived without us. The Cubs certainly did, losing just once this week, and continuing their torrid pace. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under The 5-Minute Superfan | 1 Comment

Carlos Zambrano Beats San Diego Padres, Michael Barrett with Bat

June 3, 2008

(San Diego, CA) – The Chicago Cubs kept their hot streak going, defeating the San Diego Padres last night in Petco Park 7-6. Carlos Zambrano started for the Cubs, and it pitted him against Padre catcher and former teammate Michael Barrett for the first time since the two got into a much-publicized fight last year. Following the fight – in which Zambrano reportedly beat Barrett silly – and other illicit escapades, Barrett was shipped off to San Diego.

It seems Zambrano once again got the best of Barrett last night. Before, during, and after the game. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 2 Comments

Young Cubs Fan “Pretty Sure” Inverting His Hat Causes Cub Wins

May 31, 2008

(Chicago, IL) – This week has seen the Cubs come back late in dramatic fashion in several games, finding a way to win when a win seemed just out of reach. No game exemplifies this come-back spirit more than Friday’s win over the Colorado Rockies. Trailing 8-0 early, the Cubs found a way – as if by magic – to come all the way back in the late innings, and pull out a 10-9 win.

One young Cubs fan thinks he holds the secret to the Cubs victories this week – and he wears it on his head. Read more

Written by Ace · Filed Under Chicago Cubs | 1 Comment